(From 2015-2019)
As we say, “Don’t mix your personal and professional lives!” – too broad and extremely complicated. Ok, I can’t bring my errors to dinner table discussions, and I don’t have any right to misbehave with my trainee or colleague on the pretext that I’m having a bad day. An argument with a husband or somebody in transit—nothing can justify bad behaviour. That’s one part i.e. generalised way of perceiving this notion.
Now comes the complicated part, where we can’t see personal and professional lives in isolation. Finding a balance between personal and professional life is a hard nut to crack but necessary. So far, I have been mixing both to find the right balance in life. I don’t regret doing that.
The year 2015 was all about confusion: whether to do a postdoc abroad or in India. After a few discussions with myself, I made the decision not to leave my husband behind to do a postdoc abroad. Ok, we had a consensus on this decision that I will not be going abroad for a postdoc. It looks easy peasy, lemon squeezy! But I fought my guilt for months. In the process of balancing, guilt is the villain. My fight is always with the “guilt” of leaving a better option for training and not getting out of my comfort zone. I didn’t want to test my limits by moving out of my comfort zone. Here, I am not referring to the comfort of the workplace but to where my emotions find comfort. I knew that if I stretched it, I would fall apart. Another possibility, my husband could have supported me by leaving his job and going abroad with me. Honestly, we both didn’t have the courage to take that chance. My visa status abroad shouldn’t dictate his career. Maybe I was overthinking that time and should have taken a chance to get abroad with my husband. All right, I went with my heart and have no regrets!
I eventually landed a postdoctoral position with Dr. Vani Brahmachari at University of Delhi. From a core bioinformatics lab to a developmental biology lab that is mostly experimental, I was very apprehensive about whether this was an upgrade to my skillset or career or just a compromise.
Sometimes, you don’t get answers right away, play a waiting game!
Now, life brings another project – I was pregnant within 4 months of my postdoc. It sounds like a plan. I won’t lie—it was! Joining her lab was a well calculated decision. I was aware that she is one of the nicest people on the planet. She is known for her work and compassion in the scientific community. Here, my selfishness was not coated with betrayal. I knew I had to do justice with science.
I had a random conversation in the metro with a friend about the daycare situation in Delhi. I remembered she mentioned the Vaatsalya day care facility run by the Delhi University Women’s Association (DUWA). She was eager to send her daughter there. “Baby” was not even on my mind at the time, but I told myself, “Store this information and use it in the future.” I researched a bit and found Vaatsalya a promising option. Therefore, joining DU was a wise decision as it gave me access to Vaatsalya as a DU postdoc student. Even before my pregnancy, I was clear about where my kid would be going to daycare after 6 months of maternity.
How to do a pregnancy reveal thing in a lab? I was anxious to break out my pregnancy news to Dr. Vani & Lab. I started imagining the scene while she was saying – “Just three months in the lab and you are pregnant – how will you meet your deadlines?” I started preparing a pitch to answer this before the pregnancy reveal news, but fortunately, I didn’t get a chance to use any. She was glad, surprise for me! I wanted to hide my pregnancy for a bit, but I had to reveal it due to some complications. Now, when I think about that today and ask myself why I wanted to do hide pregnancy. Answer is – How stupid is that! I don’t know whether it was just a reflection of my fears or a general societal problem of perceiving pregnancy or motherhood as a break in a career.
The great news is that I enjoyed both my pregnancy and science. I worked until the last day of my pregnancy, gladly and willingly. Dr. Vani was my rock-solid support throughout the entire journey.
She supported me, groomed me, and made me a better person and scientist during three years of training. I can write a complete story dedicated to Dr. Vani.
We were blessed with a daughter on Dec 20, 2016. My daughter, Addy was always welcome in Dr. Vani’s lab. Dr. Vani and her lab enjoyed Addy’s visits to the lab after daycare for my occasional evening meetings. While I was in the meeting, the lab took care of her. I needed a good support system to do mommy and research duties. That’s why I got it from my workplace as well as from my husband. Having a child at the peak of their career never felt like an obstruction, and Dr. Vani and my husband both deserve credit for that. A person has the power to change your perspectives and to make you stronger, weaker, or more vulnerable. If you spend time finding a lab or research group where you fit, you should also spend time learning about your PI as a person.
Thank God, Dr. Vani also evaluated me on my work rather than how much time I spent in the lab. This kind of flexibility was of paramount importance to me when I was a new mom. She trusted me, and it brings an additional responsibility for me to never disappoint her. I hope I didn’t disappoint her in my postdoc journey.
As a new mother, I was unsure whether I was a good mother. When I first left her at the daycare, I cried for 2 hours while sitting outside. I asked myself, “Science or baby?” Thank God, Addy adapted well to routine—going to daycare in the morning and coming back home in the evening with mommy. I am grateful to Vaatsalya (daycare) for allowing me to pursue my career without worry. Now, the new mom was dealing with a child as well as bugs (mealybugs) (my new research project). She had never dealt with either of them before. I worked on both new challenges and learned from both Addy and bugs! With Addy and the new project, I gained strength and confidence.
There are different ways of handling a situation. I prioritise balance over ambition. Someone might say, “You didn’t challenge yourself enough.” That’s fine. Science is my passion, and Addy is the love of my life. I never had to choose between science and baby, so there’s no need to prioritise one over the other.
There is a small, disconnected part to this story, but it should be here. During my pregnancy phase, I had frequent visits to IGIB mall road for discussions, and I relied on IGIB computational resources for a brief time. I am a big-time foodie, and that’s nothing new for IGIBians who knew me at that time. During pregnancy, it’s just beyond a foodie thing, and Dr. Mohammed Faruq, who was my canteen buddy at that time, had more than usual canteen visits. My eating behaviour and schedule were haywire, but he never made me realize it was problematic for him. Thank you, Faruq, for your unconditional support.
Thank you, PULSE, for creating life post PhD corner! These different experiences are valuable for both writers and readers.
Stay tuned for season:2 about a new journey!
Ankita
I am Ankita, working as a bioinformatician at the University of Calgary, Canada. I earned my PhD at CSIR-
IGIB with Dr. Debasish Dash and Dr. Mitali Mukerji. I strive to learn new things in science, but scientific
writing is too formal and a hurdle for me. I thought, for the time being, let’s enjoy the technical side of
science in an academic setting where I have the opportunity to teach and co-supervise as well. Beyond
work, I love writing and editing videos. I am not pro at either, just learning and improving. Mom of a
super energetic 6-year-old girl. I collaborate with my husband on his food experiments; he cooks, and I
eat and write about or make short videos about his food experiments for social media.