Cover picture Credit: Painting - Monika Verma, Photo - Aastha Vatsyayan
As a child, I was always curious about everything around me. During my high school days, I got more interested in biology and decided to be a scientist. I worked my best towards it. I joined IGIB as a project assistant in Dr. Chetana Sachidanandan’s Lab. I was trying to understand the role of regulatory RNAs in zebrafish development. While I enjoyed the work, I also fell in love with zebrafish. I was fascinated to observe the early embryonic development, from the 1st cell division, by just using a stereomicroscope. I still remember the days when I used to sit for long hours in the microscopy room, just looking at the embryos. Later, I joined the lab as a PhD student wherein I was working with a rare genetic disorder, Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome Type 2. I was strongly connected to the disease model and became interested in translational biology.
However, life had different plans for me. After an incredible journey of 6.5 years in IGIB, I went on maternity. Six months later, I defended my thesis. While everyone around me was happy for me, I felt that something was still lacking. I was unable to believe that I had gained my doctorate degree now. I am not sure if it was postpartum depression or imposter syndrome, but I started losing faith in myself and my ability to do science. From being a social butterfly (as called by my close friends), I changed into an introvert. However, I always managed to carry a big smile. Except for my close friends, not many knew how I was feeling from the inside. A few months passed by, and I decided to move on to the next level in my career. But now, I was uncertain if I wanted to continue doing bench work or look for an alternate career in science. Also, I was unsure if I would be able to manage work and baby time. From being ambitious, I turned into a person full of uncertainties. Fighting with these confusions and my guilt-ridden heart for leaving my kid in daycare, I chose to give science communication a try assuming to have some flexibility with time.
I would like to take a moment here to thank the IGIB faculty (especially Dr Chetana Sachidanandan, Dr Beena Pillai and Dr Sridhar Sivasubbu) for being very helpful in suggesting and guiding me through different options I can explore. Also, I would like to thank Dr. Beena Pillai, Dr. Kausik Chakraborty and Dr. Chetana Sachidanandan, and everyone else involved for their active involvement in arranging the crèche in IGIB. If not for the facility, I probably would have had a tough time joining back to continue my journey in science.
So, I joined as a research associate in IGIB and was involved in science communication by writing blogs. It took some time to learn the new role. I missed bench work and my bench. But ultimately, things started to fall in place. 7 months later, right when I started feeling myself again, the whole world came to a shutdown because of COVID. I had to travel back home with a toddler, and working from home only got complicated. It felt like life came to a standstill again.
Like it is said, “Good things can still happen at hard times” my husband got his postdoc position in mid-pandemic. We travelled across the globe to reach the US. I was excited about the new place and new life, yet, it was nothing like home. Since I did not have a job when I travelled and was on a dependent visa, I had to wait till I obtained my work permit to start applying. People around were friendly but did not interact much, fearing COVID. Those 4 months were the hardest. Once I received my work permit, I tried applying to all possible zebrafish labs. Most labs were not hiring due to the pandemic. However, I managed to find a postdoc position in a drosophila lab at the California Institute of Technology (CALTECH). Though I enjoy the lab, the new model and my project, I find it difficult to connect to them. I want to do something more meaningful, more towards translation, especially after working with a rare genetic disorder during my PhD. I want to do science in a fast-paced way that would benefit the people, society and patients. After taking an alternative route, I realized that now I have come back to my path where I would want to focus on translation. So, currently, I am planning to move on to an industrial setting and apply to various industries.
Some say that I am too uncertain and unable to decide on one thing, while others say I am gaining expertise in various fields, which is beneficial for my career. But what I feel is, despite having a rollercoaster ride on my career front, today, as I turn back, I see how much I have explored and how much I have learned and grown. My passion for doing science is to learn and explore different avenues. My uncertainties may have caused a lot of temporary downs and lows, but I am proud that they helped me gain a lot, and I have learned how to navigate through situations that seem dark and doomed. As my dad always used to say, “Do what is to be done. Do not expect results. If you do well, you will get good results”.
Moving on to the next level is never easy. We are still learning. From my experiences, I learned not to be hard on myself, to do the best possible in any given situation, and it eventually carved my own beautiful path. Uncertainties are not bad. They are not the end. It is a break that allows us to think, prioritize, grow and move on to the next opportunity.
Aswini Babu
Aswini is a postdoctoral researcher at CALTECH who is excited to explore different areas of science and develop methods to contribute to translational research.